Neo Genesis: Gaming.

Leaving AS

2004-12-24T22:33:00.000-08:00

To whom it may concern:

There was a point earlier this year when I thought you had changed. After our problems in the past, I was still suspicious of you, yet I gave you the benefit of the doubt, because I believed in what we were doing. I made myself believe that you were a good guy - I forced myself. I even added a 'crazy' spin on it to account for your apparent eccentricity, because it was a much better option for all concerned if I allowed myself to gloss over the more flawed aspects of your personality.

Unfortunately, they still exist. I won't deny I had similar problems too - self-importance and arrogance are so easy to indulge in, and it is a neverending battle with oneself to keep these as reduced as possible. It seems though that your position at this website has allowed these negative aspects to expand beyond all proportions; building up and now, today; CHRISTMAS DAY, it has resulted in you banning members: members who have given their time and energy to AS. These aren't just a couple of newbies who've just shown up and written a few inane posts - these guys believe in AS, and they are[were] an integral part of the community. Banning them on Christmas Day, because you disagreed with their opinions, is so self-important, not to mention cruel and unkind. It is an exaggerated response to simply another everyday process of the forum, and now, you've crossed a line - you've crossed over from banning members for the right reason [for the good of the site] to turning it into a personal problem. You've made this situation ugly, you've become a bully. You've destroyed the spirit of AS.

And this isn't going to get better. A few days ago - I decided to answer some of your yim messages. I then proceeded to explain myself; calmly and assuredly, to which you replied with -among other things- "you arrogant fag"

...

You see, the biggest problem here is that you are now becoming a hypocrite. Peace and love? Light and love? That's a complete load of bollocks. Despite your insulting, I bit my bottom lip. I kept my mouth shut, because I love AS, because the people here are really cool; like-minded - I feel related to them in many ways. But now the situation has come to a head. It's become too ugly and purile - completely ludicrous.

So i'm leaving. And i'm not playing any games, i'm not doing this to 'get back at you' or because 'i'm being negative' etc. This is it. Final. End. I have a sour taste in my mouth, and however much I scrub it and try to remove it, it's still there. It's culminated to this point, and so, to you, I say take a break. Consider doing the honourable thing - you know what this is - do it because the people here are really great. I've spent nigh on 5 years at AS, i've learnt a lot, experienced a lot through AS. And many people have helped me along the way. So, before I go and remove myself, just a quick few messages [in no particular order]:

8a8zn1ne: I think you're a very interesting guy, you have an interesting perspective on life, and your anecdotes never fail to amuse me. Good luck for the future, and remember i'll be around, at teh other site!!11

Azrael: We've had some problems in the past, but really and honestly I think you're a great guy and I know your intentions are always honourable. I've pretty much always been kidding with you - not that you could probably tell, hehe. Good luck and stuff.

The Founder: Whatever i've said to you in the past is moot. Ignore the opinions, if I knew you in person we'd get on great. I don't know what will happen in the future, I don't know what drastic changes lie ahead, but I know one thing: nothing is ever set in stone but the present moment. I hope our conversing has been beneficial to you - if not, then...have a banana.

Tia: You're a great person. There's really not much that can be said beyond that, you're only 15 but you have compassion and the maturity [hidden deep below your silliness] of someone far, far older - if you ever get unbanned and events work themselves out, look after the site and I hope you have a prosperous life.

Derangon: You're the wackiest member at AS by far. You're also very intelligent and while you probably wouldn't ever both to note this, or consider it beyond a fleeing thought, it's there, and ...tasting. Your posts have always made me smile, and so, yes...i'll miss them in teh future111

Laudrin: I don't understand you very much, and you probably not me either, but I just thought i'd reassure you that i've never, ever sent you negative energy and stuff. I hope things work themselves out and you find happiness along the way.

Handgloves: I don't understand you, at all. You make no sense and I think you smell etc. BUT, underneath this I have a quasi-respect for the dots111two. Alas, you too must leave. For it has been written.

Prime: Cheer up mate, it's Christmas!

Mikal: If you ever read this Mikal, I want you to know that your posts are the most inspiring i've ever read, and that you've had a lasting impact on me, so much so that my usual reaction to such brilliance [wave it away and debunk it - er, usually ] has been replaced with a kind of quasi-idolizing, lol. O' love etc.

Afriel: You're a very likeable person: very warm and probably more silly than most people realize. Good luck with stuff, and i'll see you around on yahoo.

emthren: You'll probably never read this, but I have always enjoyed your posts mate. Have a nice life and shit.

Okay, so if i've missed anyone out, i'm sorry but it's early Christmas day and I have to rush down to see my parents! You're all cool, even those with the n00b gene [it soons disappears] so ya, enjoy your life and overall, just try to be happy - because that's what is most important. I don't know if this post will ever stay here, so i'll copy it to my blog...

Anyways, take care, it is....odd leaving a place i've been attached to for so long. But Change IS constant.

Remember that, I made it up.

Bye.

Counter strike 1.6

2004-10-12T04:36:00.000-07:00

It's still great, isn't it?

Today something happened to me that made me realize this simple fact; it caused me to fall off my chair, roll around for a bit, whilst chuckling and mouthing inanities about Satan - until I could no longer breathe or contain the contents of my bowels.

That's right - I knifed a couple of terrorists. In QUICK SUCCESSION!

*pause*

It was truly glorious. 60 seconds left on the map: cs_assault. Final round. Me a counter terrorists. Me go do kamikaze, jumping off the bridge, entering the front entrance of the Terrorist building. Me doing a tarzan - me not sure why. As I fall down, i'm immediately confronted by the enemy. I shoot the terrorist. He dies. Walking forwards, I keep myself tight against the wall...and then, the area around me opens up. All cover is gone...I fleetingly scan the area and I realize that there are at least a couple of Terrorists above me on the overhang, one by the backdoor, one just in front of me, and two on the area next to the front entrance.

I shoot the guy in front of me. Kahpow! Glorious headshot, the terrorist falls backwards...a perfect reward for my quick reflexes. And then a moment of madness...I ignore everyone...I rush forwards...take out my knife and approach the two T's camped above the front entrance.

No-one shoots me. Apparently they are oblivious to my unsubtle rush into the building. I come up behind one of the terrorists. I expect to die at any moment. No one shoots...

The first terrorist collapses. Dead.

Still no shot. I'm still alive.

I slash at the second terrorist, who is ridiculously obvlious to the sound of my knife. I mean for goodness sake!! I'm right to the side of him, Is he not looking at his health bar as it slowly reduces?!? What the fock is he doing?!?

I make a meal of the knifing though...fortunately my opponent is thicker than Britney Spears's earwax and 5 times more disgusting. He dies...the round ends...the laughing begins...

It was almost sexual. The end.

Comment on this. I beg you!!!!! I'm SO ALONE!!!!!

Err...

Old First Person Shooters.

2004-07-12T03:41:00.000-07:00

Oh.My.God.

Somebody please, please cleanse my blighted eyes. I can't feel my cornea, all I feel is eyeball. At least now I have an inkling of what it feels like to be the ozone layer. Sheesh, is that blood!? Oh.my.god.

It's so easy to forget the past sometimes isn't it? It's so easy to forget that a mere 5 years ago we had games like Blood 2 knocking around. I downloaded it from underdogs today. I played it. I squinted. I then believed the game was set in planet earth, in a time when a great big asteroid comprised of: shit, mud and other material that was brown in nature had exploded approximately 30 metres above the ground and covered the landscape with it's waste. I stared at the walls. I squinted. I barely noticed the dancing, jerky skeletons do their 'flash' effect. Apparantly they were shooting at me. I noticed, when i was shot, that my character was saying 1 of 5 lines of diologue at what appeared to be random instances. Apparantly I was a cyborg. Apparantly I had to shoot the lanky flashing dancers. This was difficult, indeed it hurt my eyes to even attempt to make them out against the garish environments.

Here's what I learnt today: If it ain't half life and it's before 1998, then do not, under any circumstance play a fps. Don't even consider it. Never try to reason it. No "oh, it'll be rapid old school gameplay!" - for it is archaic to the nth degree... no "Wow..its got gore in it!!!!" - the blood appears momentarily and then the next frame it magically appears on the floor... people explode stupidly and generally, it looks crapper than old age pensioners attempting to play Daytona Usa at an amusement arcade. In summer. Wearing duffel coats.

Ultimately the experience is like this. You move forwards in the dark. Two frames later, an enemy appears. You shoot him a few times. He flashes you. You lose a bit of health. You walk on. You look around. It looks shit. You see a black spot. Apparantly it's an alleyway..alleyways always pop up in old fps's don't they? You walk down it. It's dark. You see someone ahead of you. Some poorly drawn sprite. A sound file plays: "Please don't hurt me". You're bored, you knife the sprite. A couple of frames of red appear. The sprite is still alive. SAying the same thing. Same expression. You're bored. You use the secondary fire. More frames of red zig-zags. You walk on. You enter a slightly larger area. It's dark. You walk on. Something brown is in front of you. You squint. It's a barrel. There's another one next to it. Apparantly one barrel isn't good enough, but two? Well that's interesting scenery. Someone is shooting at you. You don't know where from, so you swirl around to scan the gloomy, garish surroundings. It HURTS. Blurry garishness. Ouch. Cornea..almost...entirely...gone.

And that's it. don't download it.

-

2004-07-03T23:08:00.000-07:00

I'm tired

THE END.

Driv3r

2004-07-01T00:28:00.000-07:00

Oh man.

What a pil3 of turgid, unfinish3d poo. Words can bar3ly d3scrib3 not only th3 disappointm3nt i've f3lt the last f3w days ov3r what I b3li3v3d was a sur3 thing, but th3 fact that i'v3 actually, y3s ACTUALLY bought a poor gam3.

I can't r3m3mb3r th3 last tim3 I did this. I'm no hardcor3 gam3r; I don't hav3 my fac3 p3rp3tually glu3d to my monitor, i don't buy 3v3ry vid3ogam3 magazin3 out th3r3 and I don't stalk P3t3r Molyn3ux or anyone of similar fam3. But i'v3 always b33n car3ful, and i'v3 always trust3d magazin3s lik3 PC Gam3r and 3dg3, and I'v3 had r3ason to. I r3sp3ct and admir3 th3m.

What did I do last w33k? I put my trust in a c3rtain Ps2 magazin3. Why oh why? I acc3pt3d th3ir 90 p3rc3nt scor3 and i n3v3r, for on3 mom3nt 3nt3rtain3d the id3a that th3y had b33n sway3d by 'oth3r r3asons'. What the fock is wrong with m3?

I've misplac3d the issu3 in qu3stion, and so, I can't go back to the r3vi3w and recov3r my 3arli3r ang3r causing m3 to writ3 th3m a massiv3 l3tt3r about why 3xactly Driv3r is a st3aming pil3 of $hit.

I won't r3ally go into it h3re 3ith3r - i'm not going to sp3nd any mor3 tim3 that th3 tim3 i'v3 alr3ady wast3d playing th3 actual 'gam3'. But h3r3, just for thos3 of you who ar3 int3r3st3d, is why 3xactly th3 finish3d product is nowh3r3 n3ar b3ing good:

- Th3 d3v3lop3rs sp3nt too many lat3 nights admiring th3ir cl3v3rn3ss in calling th3ir product Driv3r [as oppos3d to, Driv3r 3, 3rr]and not 3nough tim3 doing, w3ll..much 3ls3.

- Th3y sp3nt all th3ir tim3 and r3sourc3s on th3 cutsc3n3s. Which ar3, to b3 hon3st...pr3tty $hit. Not that i'v3 s33n th3m or anything.

- Th3 d3v3lop3rs w3r3 too ambitious, in th3 3nd th3 scal3 of th3ir plans gr3w out of control and becam3 an unstoppabl3 monst3r pooing on 3v3rything that stood in its path. Barr3n landscap3s, poor fram3rat3s, slowdown, stupid charact3r mov3m3nt [it's that sliding Hitman thang all ov3r again] and sc3n3ry that just 'pops' out of nowh3r3. I m3an, WTF?!?!

- Finally, th3 d3v3lop3rs just suck3d will33, or som3thing.

On3 of th3 b3st 3xampl3s of Driv3rs innat3 shitn3ss is wh3n you s3l3ct 'fr33 rid3' from th3 m3nu and choos3 th3 hug3 truck; th3 physics and th3 way th3 v3hicl3 bounds around is plainly ridiculous. It's th3 kind of mov3m3nt you'd 3xp3ct on th3 moon - not in a gam3 that bas3s its3lf on r3alworld physics and 3nvironm3nt. It's int3r3sting though that this was th3 part of th3 gam3 I 3njoy3d th3 most - but, 3v3n whilst in th3 thro3s of hyst3rical laught3r th3 r3ality that I was playing a s3rious r3alistic gam3 and not th3 gam3 3quival3nt of a flying circus unfortun3tly r3ar3d its ugly h3ad. Which spoil3d my mom3ntary high som3what.

But, you know what th3 bigg3st probl3m is with this gam3? What r3ally turns an 3njoyabl3 3xp3ri3nc3 [alb3it flaw3d] into a compl3t3ly vacuous and utt3r m3ss? It's simpl3 folks. Th3 basic m3chanics of driving th3 v3hicl3s in th3 gaming world just isn't enjoyabl3. And that my fri3nds, is fund3m3ntally fock3d up.

So tak3 it from m3, don't 3v3n consid3r buying this gam3.

EVER.

Poem [off-topic]

2004-06-16T06:02:00.000-07:00

Welcome.

CHIMNEYS

We sit within our chimneys
Darkness mesmorises
The sky above us lest we notice
Looks down upon our twisted noses.

Cough, our mouths are open there!
We talk and shout, our lyrics savour
The part inside, innate our flavour
Reflectionise those words, don't waver...

Lungs can't break no more, in this moment
We rant against the cloud atonement
Its killing slowly, but we don't need to care.
Forget above, its all unfair!

Thats all we do, its all we are.
Our chimney sitting is, our momentary goal
Above our heads is something greater
but we're imagining our contamination....

What happens when we leave those chimneys?
Do we fly across the sky and paint?
We wish we knew that infinite dream
Eternity? lets sit and wait....

Bastard Jim.

2004-06-10T16:53:00.000-07:00

Welcome.

Today I was cheated from a nil-nil draw [ending in penalties - me winning penalities] by 'bastard jim'.

Unbeknown to me, whilst i was in the 'toilet', bastard jim changed my goalkeeper 'buffon' with 'ferrari' - this unbelievably led to him winning a game of PE3 against me. Three - nil.

This included Emily Heskey scoring from about 30 yards, and two owen 'stonkers'.

Bastard.

I'll never forgive him.

Lucid Gaming: Part 1.

2004-06-08T00:33:00.000-07:00

Welcome.

I have the feeling that a very small minority of you will know about my subliminal gaming project. There is a thread located in the third page of the Game Theory folder [at PCGF] detailing my project, which I urge you to read if you want to understand the following. It's called 'Subliminal Gaming Project' - check it out.

The project came about whilst I was meditating one summer's eve - the idea of utilizing the technology around me as a means to extend my mundane consciousness into the non-mundane tantalized my curiosity, and the idea itself came out of apparently nowhere.

Half life sprang instantly to mind. It wasn't difficult to understand why. The game was customizable to a sufficient degree; allowing me to modify enough elements of the graphics and sound to enable me to feel confident about my endeavor.

That was undoubtedly the main issue; not only did I have to feel like the idea itself made sense, but that the medium I was using adapted enough to give me confidence, because when you throw yourself into the kind of long-term endeavor that I threw myself into, you need all the confidence you can possibly get.

Every endeavor starts with enthusiasm, with that self-initiated spark of intent that drives your mind forwards. Foremost, that spark needs to be believed in, and fully understood. But this is all too easy; such majesty of thought and idealism is nothing when it is not fully impaled within one's will. Determination is a constant and when it isn't, it is merely spontaneous brevity that ultimately inspires no-one.

6 months later and Half life, or more precisely; Counter strike - works. It offers the tools, the simplistic and iconic visage which promotes ease of recall, and within it's mode of play it gives the player the gift of focused awareness; that timeless state of focus where alertness and reaction are pushed to their limits.

Make no mistake; when you are attempting to condition yourself to wake up in your sleepstate by focusing your daily attention on certain elements, it helps immensely when those elements contain the highest emotion, the highest thrill and the highest vividness of being. Our natural sleeping dreaming capacity is not infinite; it picks upon habits, emotions, desires and transmogrifies them into symbolic interpretations by utilizing specific visual imagery to bring specific points across. Our subconscious can be looked upon like a hand which picks and chooses from the palette we give it in which to make it's observations known.

My project does work. Everything is proceeding exactly as I have foreseen... *dons farcical Emperor expression of absolute evil* there are varying cycles of success, yet these cycles often move in accordance with the quality of my dream recall. In other words, I am dreaming about Counter Strike each day..And for the most part, while I have not yet been fully lucid within most of them, the state of my mind during these specific dream sections is inordanarily wary and alert.

I feel I need to bring this point up, because it is important for me bring up the continuous advancement that is so obvious in my project. Soon, Lucid Dreaming will become an integral part of my life in such a way as to be a normality, an embedded part of my life which I will adopt as medium in which to experiment with idea's, creativity and, of course - bullet time.

But something looms above the horizon; something big, complex and life-changing - offering more possibilities and scope for customization within an infinitely more complex-layered world.

Half Life 2: What happens when the artificial construct that you have been using -as a focal point- in which to transport your total awareness in this world, into another, is then discarded and a less artificial construct takes it's place?

I wonder...

The boys of the PC Gamer Forum

2004-06-06T09:02:00.000-07:00

Welcome.

Yup,

Actually, it's more to do with one boy. A boy with a serious attitude problem, and a penchant for moments of vivid paranoia.

"Why'd you send me a PM? Why oh why!?!"

....

"I'm scared..oh wait, you're a lesbian?"

....

"Hey, come onto MSN..let's chat some more about this, er"

...

"What? You don't want to? You BI*ch!!!!!"

---------------

That's it, in a nutshell. So to speak.

And, THIS is my opinion: Halo is good, but sucks. Though, that's instantly cause for a backlash - and no-one want's to give someone like me the time in which to explain why that is.

Never mind - i'm in the midst of writing something very large, comprehensive and detailed right this minute.

Soon it will appear on the forum - should be fun.

-misquent.

The joy of PC Gamer Forum.

2004-06-05T03:24:00.000-07:00

Welcome.

I've decided that for my second post I will take a slight detour from the previous post I wrote. In order for me to state the things that I wish to speak about I will need to regress into some kind of quasi-n00b that will allow for such posturing. Let's clarify an issue here: I love writing n00b - I love writing that word. I think mostly anyone with cell-activity in their brains does - it's a powerful word, yet the basic altering of it's middle two digits from letters to numbers gives it's utterer untold joy. Joy equal to creeping shakily down into the living room on Christmas day in a general state of semi-nakedness and mad hair, recreating those r-white adverts with abandon. Yes.

So, without further ado...let's begin!

I love PC Gamer. The only thing that I love more than PC Gamer is being at a forum where everyone else does. The only thing I love more than being at a forum where everyone else loves Pc Gamer is the fact that the staff at Pc Gamer actually care about the forum, and finally, the only thing I love more than the fact that the staff care about the forum is that they actually... post there [!].

*gasp*

They are just SO cool [major n00b moment - kill me now]. Sure, you can say that it is their job, and in one respect you are correct; it is. Yet they've obviously been thinking about the state of the gaming environment, realize things are changing, looked to the horizon and decided to get off their butts and do something. I'm lovin' the aspiration guys!

I think I perceive them as like-minded people - albeit with degree's. While I can't assert that I have a degree...any kind of a degree, I do have a questioning outlook, enthusiasm and unyielding philosophical bent. Fortunately I can also write half-decently, though I need to go and do some courses. But that's another story...

The pseudo-landscape of forums is barely real-time, hanging by the thread of the refresh button - all adulation is simply the phantasmic after-echo of a moment long forgotten. Saying all this though; seeing a staff member at the bottom of the page is always 'lovely'..blargh...*spit* gahhh *spew* - sorry, that was unnecessary. I apologize.

I remember several years ago I was walking down Tonbridge high street and I swear, that's right: SWEAR that I saw Gary Pallister. Seeing Ross Atherton at the bottom of the PCG forum is a similar thing, though of course I know who Ross Atherton is and thus I point at the screen excitedly and bellow "It's him...that woss guy...he's there...reading...!" Unlike the gary pollster incident, where the realization that I was seeing someone famous only came to bare several years later. Thus, it's more a case of 'I saw someone famous'. But even so, before that incident the only other famous guy I came into close proximity to was that fat twat [the 'comedian' who's catchphrase is "It's a cracker!"], and he was hitting on my mum - so the experience was soured somewhat.

Slut.

Moving on from this repellent bootlicking for a moment [though, I might not return to it - depends if I'm out of saliva, err] - the PCG forums are probably the best forums I have ever been to, ever. Most forums I have encountered have been a curious human zoo of persons; paradigm's in flux - ranging from n00bs [*drools*] to average posters to creative writers to intellectuals. PCGF has an element of this, of course. Yet primarily, the intellect level of the forum is surprisingly and welcomingly high - which must surely reflect back on PCG in a positive light.

The greatest thing about PCGF is that it is not just funny, intelligent and containing a modicum of warmth and class. It's that it's REALLY funny - everyone - Jack Bauer aside - is seemingly on the same level. Whether this is because Pc Gamer is a British publication, and that very few people outside of Britain read it is arguable, though I would imagine there is at least some basic truth to it. The main truth is simply, that Pc Gamer attracts those with the very traits that it sends out - like a moth to a flame we find ourselves drawn to it.

God bless PC Gamer! And God bless Mark Donald!

-Misquent.

Neo Genesis

2004-06-04T19:19:00.000-07:00

Welcome.

This is the start of my new blog devoted to gaming.

For this of you who do not know: Neo Genesis means 'New beginning' and relates not simply to the fact that I have begun this blog and it is a new endeavors for me; but that I believe gaming as a whole has reached a point in it's evolution where certain facets have come to the fore which, when placed against the backdrop of our deepest and most important humanistic traits, can be seen as a new beginning.

I don't presume to know precisely why this is. Only that the ongoing process of gaming advancement has recently impacted upon my awareness in a most forthright and direct manner, seizing my attention and forcing me to ask questions. Lots of questions.

The principal question that we can ask in relation to gaming is 'why do we continue to play?'.

Through all our disappointment, our frustrated disdain with the limits of technology; the endless samey corridors it generates, the upteenth appearance of the same looking enemy, the 500th time a NPC has irrelevantly and annoyingly said to you, in passing: "My grandson is lost in the woods, without his willy.. Please help him" and the endless generic mass-em-up's which exist simply for commercial reasons and dishearten those that care sincerely about the medium...why? Why oh why do we continue to give ourselves to what amounts, really, to little more than sitting down in front of a monitor screen and forcibly staring for long periods of time?

To answer this question, let take a little trip to the source and ask the worlds foremost, pretentious arsehole: The Architect.

"I am the Architect. I created the matrix. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also irrelevant"

"err..why do we like, continue playing games?"

"Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness"

"So, hope - that's like, good then...yeh?"

"Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly's systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations".

"err ya. But what do we hope for?"

- Architect smiles -

"Choice. The problem is...choice."

"Quite right"

"So we, like hope for choice?"

- Architect nods -

"Hey! You know, you're pretty cool for a complex mathematical equation!"

Thanks.

----------------------------------

Our aspiration for freedom within games and the environment they generate can be directly correlated against the advent of new generation graphics and the environments they generate.

We never desired such a thing when pong, space invaders and Galaxians were doing the rounds. It is not just simply an isolated need for bigger and better, though this does have something to do with it. The mirroring of our reality; a paradigm shift in our expectations. We may not be particularly aware of it, but it is there...Fundamentally affecting deeply, to our innermost selves; our thoughts and ideals...

Remember this when you play Half Life 2. It offers you the hand of freedom within an expanse of illusionary non-existingment of which you exist at the center of. Do not be overly peturbed if you feel somewhat strange about this. Your expectations have changed, that's all. Accept it's representation of reality, and give yourself to it's sense of place and story.

Hope. What happens when what we hope for, happens? Then we hope for something else...

-Misquent.